In Soviet Russia...

Some demotivational posters from VeryDemotivational.Com.

One-liners

Some one-liners that I've come up with (or at least, co-discovered):

• Is the glass half-empty or is it half-full? Well, ask yourself whether it was full earlier or was it empty!
• It is easier being master of ONE than being Jack of ALL.
• They say, there's a thin line between being a fan and being a stalker. I say, it's usually a 10 inch thick concrete wall!
• If the way to a man's heart goes through his stomach, then that 'way' must begin somewhere down there!
• If and when I go up to the Heaven, somebody is going to face a severe ass-kicking.
• Is this the darkest hour before the dawn or the calm before a storm?
• Girlfriends are like credit-cards. It's difficult to get one unless you already have another.
• Time is the worst teacher. It takes the exam first, and then gives the lesson!

Puns

• Do we call them that, because they are supposed to get 'crushed'?
• They utterly lose sportsmanship, when they start playing games.
• They say, Everything is fair in love and war. I say, Nothing is fair in love and war!
• Too much curiosity killed the cat. Nevermind. It had nine lives...
• Egality forms significant portion of Legality!
• Why not call it a 'glance', instead of a 'watch'...
• It's fun to pun!

Satire

• So you thought getting into IIT was difficult? Well, try getting out of one!
• I think of you as my brother! You know... the 'evil twin' kind!
• If only the stairway to heaven was up for sale!

All I really wanted...

All I really wanted was to be able to flaunt a nice pair of aviator-look goggles. As I wear spectacles, I had to switch to contact-lenses first. But, one cannot just walk down the road wearing goggles. I had to purchase a motorbike; one that would suit the style. Before that, I had to learn to ride one as well...

Now, the fantasy is fulfilled!

But still, all the time, I run the risk of being caught by a nasty traffic controller, for not wearing a helmet (in addition to the actual risk of not wearing a helmet).

Doctors vs. Engineers

Doctors and Engineers - are both important & two of the the oldest professions & required in any society (unlike some like the legal profession!) I totally agree that quite possibly, medicine is an older profession than engineering & also that it is more important as it literally saves lives. But, what I do not accede is the fact that doctors get a special title 'Dr.' in their names!

Engineers undergo a four years curriculum as doctors, but they do not get any 'Er.' in front of their names! It is unfair towards other professions. Goal of medicine is to save lives whereas that of engineering is to enrich them. There is as much professional risk associated with engineering as it is with medicine. From some of the engineering disasters like the Challenger shuttle, it is evident that lives are also lost due to engineering errors. On a different note, in modern medicine, all the equipments like the ventilator, the X-rays, the pacemaker, the artificial incubation, dialysis are all results of engineering efforts. Apparently, no one seems to appreciate that!

When you complete your graduation, post graduation, continue in the field of your choice with all your heart, engage in research activity & earn a doctorate degree; you deserve the addendum of 'Dr.' But, the medical professionals, I don't think so!

Fair and (hence,) lovely (?)

We Indians often complain of the partisan treatment we get in western countries. We are checked more stringently than other passengers at airports. Even in my personal experience, I was stopped by authorities often and was asked for passport, and a few times quite unnecessarily!
But in my opinion, we Indians are more racist in a way! In our country, products which make your skin 'fairer', not just smooth or moisturized, are made, sold and advertised! Such commercials often depict girls craving to get fairer or girls liking a particular boy when he has turned fairer after a 'fair and handsome' treatment...
More so, some of these companies have come up with 'scales' of measuring skin-tone, and their commercials claim to 'improve' (not 'make lighter') the skin-tone by 2 units on those scales!

I'm no superman...

I want to draw your attention to the irrational acts in movies, especially the Superman... When Lois Lane falls from the top of a skyscraper, superman comes rushing and grabs her in mid air in his strong arms! What a wonderful feat of strength, timing and of course, romance! But, isn't it physically similar to the situation in which she falls directly onto two iron rods? To actually save her, he would have to equate her velocity and gradually decelerate to stop her fall. But we don't see him doing that.

And Ms. Lane is supposed to be a sharp, ambitious and one of the best reporters Metropolis has to offer. But, she fails to notice the striking similarity between superman's face and that of her closest colleague with glasses removed!

In the 1978 Superman movie, raging superman reverses the spin of earth's rotation to go back in time to prevent Lois' death. Now, let alone that it is impossible to go back in time in this way, but reversing earth's spin would have some harsh consequences on the life on Earth! There would be gradual magnetic reversal of poles. The strong solar flares, otherwise diverted due to the magnetic field would penetrate our atmosphere, changing its composition. Every living being will be exposed to those radiations. Oceanic and atmospheric currents will be reversed. But, this will not happen very slowly, because looking at the rate at which superman does it, it will certainly cause a great agitation in oceans and hurricanes everywhere on Earth! Now, the antagonist shown in the movie seems quite innocuous compared to this super-monster!

Where are my specs?

I don't have to ask this question in the morning after getting up; not even to myself, let alone to others. No matter where I keep my glasses before going to sleep, I find them almost instinctively the next morning. My eyes do not locate them. With them partially opened, half-asleep, my hand exactly grabs my spectacles. It does not matter at what hour I went to sleep, did I just remove & keep them aside after watching a late night movie, were there other spectacles (mom's & dad's) on the table, was it on the table or near the window pane or in the drawer; my half-awake, half-asleep being finds them in an instant. This is not true in the case of other stuff, like sandals, toothbrush, alarm-clock, cellphone etc. I can find them only after fully getting up! I guess being 4-eyed for 13 years now has got into my genes!

PS: Although now, I hope same thing happens for the alarm clock in near future!